Toilet Paper at the Chateau

Another reminder that I have an obsession with the Chateau Marmont hotel in Hollywood occurred when I saw an ad on Instagram and INSTANTLY recognized the bathroom as being the one in room 32. Stephen Dorff is the celebrity hawking healthy toilet paper. Please read that again.



The same guy who encouraged everyone to vape is now worrying about UTIs, hemorrhoids, and cancer of the a** because of toilet paper. He calls your “normal” roll of toilet paper “a nightmare for your body.”

Dorff became associated with the Chateau Marmont as a result of the 2010 Sofia Coppola film, “Somewhere.” For the film, Dorff’s character was filmed staying in room 59.



The color of the vintage bathroom tile is the same in both 59 and 32, but the layout of 32’s bathroom is slightly different. Below is a shot I took recently when I stayed in 32. A perfect match!



The bathroom from 59; not a perfect match:



There is already buzz out on the net about Dorff’s ad. This article popped up and is fairly hilarious:

I still remember where I was, kinda sorta, the day I saw Stephen Dorff shilling for Blu e-cigs. Certainly he was paid to do the ad, but something about his leathery skin, cement-truck voice, and popped suit collar just screamed “I have indeed sampled many electronic cigarettes.” He sold the hell out of that thing. To the point that I think I immediately texted my father, who is still a smoker despite being nearly 80, to ask if he’d ever tried an e-cig. “Vaping” wasn’t a word yet and what little I knew about it made it seem like it might be a slightly healthier alternative to cigarettes (probably still is, but we don’t need to get into a whole thing about it). My father never brought himself to switch to vaping, but I don’t blame that on Stephen Dorff. In fact I’m still grateful to the Blade star for giving me the idea. Why was I inspired to share with you such a memory? Well, because today I discovered (aka my old editor Brett sent to me) this new Instagram ad starring Stephen Dorff, in an arguably even better pitch than Blu e-cigs. These days, he’s hawking “100% toxin free” toilet paper. “I know a thing or two about assholes,” rasps a bathrobe-clad Dorff, sitting in a tiled, baby blue bathroom. “They're more sensitive than you may think. And your normal roll of toilet paper is contributing to your risk of cancer.” So you’re saying that it’s toilet paper… and it doesn’t have… poison? You have my attention. The ad goes on to claim that the bleach and formaldehyde used to process your toilet paper are “forever chemicals,” linked to a whole slew of maladies, from “inflammation,” to UTIs, to hemorrhoids. The causal link smells a little vague to me, and calling bleach a “forever chemical” seems like some kind of nominative overreach, but I do wipe my butt and also sometimes experience medical issues, so who am I to say? Being a human in the modern world means nothing if not cautiously believing in magic whenever convenient. Is that why I’m tired in the afternoon and I can’t drink the way I used to? Is it the toxins? All I know is that when you give Stephen Dorff a product to pitch, that man sells the shit out of it. I haven’t seen a commercial performance this committed since Michael Imperioli told me my tequila was gay (or possibly not gay enough?). He finishes things off telling us that his new poison-free toilet paper will cost only $15 more dollars per year. “That’s two damn moccachinos,” Dorff says, in the no nonsense tone of a cowboy who has just sidled up to you in a saloon and correctly surmised that you enjoy moccachinos. Can you not spare a couple moccachinos, pardner? Think of your asshole! In conclusion, God bless Stephen Dorff for bringing his A-game no matter the product, and also I would love to interview Stephen Dorff’s agent some time to see what gigs he has turned down. I also wouldn’t be surprised if eight out of ten of Stephen Dorff’s friends were electronic cigarette and poison-free toilet paper entrepreneurs.

Alicia Silverstone, of “Clueless” fame, is also promoting the same product. Unlike Dorff though, she doesn’t rate a Chateau Marmont restroom. Instead, she gets a regular bathroom stall and also has the added bonus of talking about “vulvoginitis.”



You’ll be happy to know that this product is approved by Dorff’s a**.



If you haven’t seen the ad yet, here it is:



See more pop culture photos at my main website.

Mystery Solved: Somewhere in Room 59

A little while back, I was missing my favorite place on this earth: The Chateau Marmont. I popped in the Sofia Coppola flick “Somewhere” and for 98 minutes, I was able to slip back into the atmosphere of that hotel where most of the movie was shot. On my website, I have photo-documented every room I have stayed in, but there were two left from my early days before I recorded the actual room number. Stephen Dorff plays Johnny Marco, an international superstar who is having an existential crisis. For most of the movie he is wearing an arm cast because of an alcohol induced fall he suffered while stumbling down the stairs of the hotel. I noticed the bathroom tile in this scene and wondered...could this be one of the two rooms I had left to figure out?

From my December 2002 stay comes this photo, also showing the distinctively replace tile that you can see under Dorff’s arm. BINGO! Looks like I stayed in Room 59 BEFORE Stephen Dorff did!



The balcony, where Johnny Marco is often seen smoking:



...and where I visited with my friend Arlette who was living in West Hollywood at the time.



The kitchen where Elle Fanning, who plays Johnny Marco’s daughter, prepares Eggs Benedict:



and the same kitchen from my December 2002 stay. LOVE that cobalt blue tile!



The living room where Dorff and Fanning play guitar while Chris Pontius watches:



…and how it looked in December 2002:



A behind the scenes shot of Coppola talking to Pontius and Fanning between scenes:



I still have one room left; any other Chateau nutz out there recognize this bathroom? [UPDATE: It’s Room 14]



See more Chateau Marmont room photos at my main website.

Screen Gem Saturdays: Somewhere and The Chateau Marmont

Over New Year’s, I stayed at my favorite place in the world: The Chateau Marmont. It is both understated yet grand; evoking a palatial Chateau you’d expect to see in France, it is a hidden treasure right in the middle of Sunset Boulevard.



Once you enter the world of The Marmont, you are transported away from the cares of the real world and are transported to a favorite spot of writers, actors, and other artists who “get” what The Chateau stands for. Where else would you enter a hotel through the garage? Just one of the many things I like about this place.

Another fave thing of mine is this large living room adjacent to the lobby; sure, you could eat in the small formal restaurant or outside in the courtyard, but I prefer to eat here. It’s almost like a small party with guests here enjoying conversation, eating delicious food, all while sitting in the most comfortable and plush retro furniture. The piano in this area has been played impromptu by many a talented guest. In the past, I have also enjoyed being serenaded by Romulo, the singing waiter who has been a staple of the hotel for years.





And the rooms...I agree with Billy Wilder. I’d rather stay in a closet at The Chateau than a large suite at the swankiest hotel. Fortunately, my most recent room was much larger than a closet!





I LOVE the vintage details, appliances, and furnishings that have survived (or appropriately been replaced) over the years:







So you can probably imagine that I was pretty excited when I heard that Sofia Coppola was making a film that was set at the Chateau. Checking it out last weekend, I loved seeing my favorite hotel on the big screen, but was less than enthralled by the film itself.

Stephen Dorff plays Johnny Marco, a huge movie star without a lot of direction in his life. The first few minutes of the film show him driving a car around in circles just to drive the point home. He drives around...and around...and around...and around. OK, Sofia...I got the point the first few times. Here Johnny is seen contemplating his life on the balcony of Room 59, where he has been living for some time.



Near the pool, a ping-pong table is usually set up; Cleo and her dad play a little game.



Exiting The Chateau, Johnny heads towards Sunset Boulevard.



Bonding over dinner in The Chateau’s living room are Johnny and his daughter Cleo (Elle Fanning):



While his Cleo sleeps, he hammers out a tune on the piano:



Lounging by the pool, which seems like it is in the middle of a lush tropical jungle:



Cleo puts together some eggs benedict for her dad in Room 59’s kitchen:



I found myself enjoying the characters, despite the fact (or maybe because of) that there were too many extraneous details and plot points introduced along the way. Overall, the film didn’t seem cinematic; it was more like something you’d find on television. The type of effort that would have been better if done as a series. The ending was also unsatisfying; I would have to say that Sofia tries too hard to be arty and alternative without quite having the chops to back it up. Performances: A+. Story: C-. Still, it’s a nice time capsule of my favorite place in the world. Here’s the review from The New Yorker:

Looking at Stephen Dorff’s Johnny Marco, the movie-star hero of Sofia Coppola’s new film, we haven’t any idea what he wants or what anyone ever saw in him...In scenes of maddening duration, he sits on his bed or on a couch, smokes a cigarette, holds a bottle of beer, falls asleep when two identical blond pole-dancers entertain him, and falls asleep again while nuzzling the crotch of a girl he picks up at a party...The movie is funny in a dryly sardonic way about movie-colony rituals and easy sex, but the funk of a noodling movie star is hardly a revelation of the absurdity of the human condition—or whatever Coppola was getting at.

Another movie also filmed at The Chateau that is much more enjoyable is “Laurel Canyon.” Check that one out instead.

See more Chateau Marmont photos at my main website.