Toilet Paper at the Chateau

Another reminder that I have an obsession with the Chateau Marmont hotel in Hollywood occurred when I saw an ad on Instagram and INSTANTLY recognized the bathroom as being the one in room 32. Stephen Dorff is the celebrity hawking healthy toilet paper. Please read that again.



The same guy who encouraged everyone to vape is now worrying about UTIs, hemorrhoids, and cancer of the a** because of toilet paper. He calls your “normal” roll of toilet paper “a nightmare for your body.”

Dorff became associated with the Chateau Marmont as a result of the 2010 Sofia Coppola film, “Somewhere.” For the film, Dorff’s character was filmed staying in room 59.



The color of the vintage bathroom tile is the same in both 59 and 32, but the layout of 32’s bathroom is slightly different. Below is a shot I took recently when I stayed in 32. A perfect match!



The bathroom from 59; not a perfect match:



There is already buzz out on the net about Dorff’s ad. This article popped up and is fairly hilarious:

I still remember where I was, kinda sorta, the day I saw Stephen Dorff shilling for Blu e-cigs. Certainly he was paid to do the ad, but something about his leathery skin, cement-truck voice, and popped suit collar just screamed “I have indeed sampled many electronic cigarettes.” He sold the hell out of that thing. To the point that I think I immediately texted my father, who is still a smoker despite being nearly 80, to ask if he’d ever tried an e-cig. “Vaping” wasn’t a word yet and what little I knew about it made it seem like it might be a slightly healthier alternative to cigarettes (probably still is, but we don’t need to get into a whole thing about it). My father never brought himself to switch to vaping, but I don’t blame that on Stephen Dorff. In fact I’m still grateful to the Blade star for giving me the idea. Why was I inspired to share with you such a memory? Well, because today I discovered (aka my old editor Brett sent to me) this new Instagram ad starring Stephen Dorff, in an arguably even better pitch than Blu e-cigs. These days, he’s hawking “100% toxin free” toilet paper. “I know a thing or two about assholes,” rasps a bathrobe-clad Dorff, sitting in a tiled, baby blue bathroom. “They're more sensitive than you may think. And your normal roll of toilet paper is contributing to your risk of cancer.” So you’re saying that it’s toilet paper… and it doesn’t have… poison? You have my attention. The ad goes on to claim that the bleach and formaldehyde used to process your toilet paper are “forever chemicals,” linked to a whole slew of maladies, from “inflammation,” to UTIs, to hemorrhoids. The causal link smells a little vague to me, and calling bleach a “forever chemical” seems like some kind of nominative overreach, but I do wipe my butt and also sometimes experience medical issues, so who am I to say? Being a human in the modern world means nothing if not cautiously believing in magic whenever convenient. Is that why I’m tired in the afternoon and I can’t drink the way I used to? Is it the toxins? All I know is that when you give Stephen Dorff a product to pitch, that man sells the shit out of it. I haven’t seen a commercial performance this committed since Michael Imperioli told me my tequila was gay (or possibly not gay enough?). He finishes things off telling us that his new poison-free toilet paper will cost only $15 more dollars per year. “That’s two damn moccachinos,” Dorff says, in the no nonsense tone of a cowboy who has just sidled up to you in a saloon and correctly surmised that you enjoy moccachinos. Can you not spare a couple moccachinos, pardner? Think of your asshole! In conclusion, God bless Stephen Dorff for bringing his A-game no matter the product, and also I would love to interview Stephen Dorff’s agent some time to see what gigs he has turned down. I also wouldn’t be surprised if eight out of ten of Stephen Dorff’s friends were electronic cigarette and poison-free toilet paper entrepreneurs.

Alicia Silverstone, of “Clueless” fame, is also promoting the same product. Unlike Dorff though, she doesn’t rate a Chateau Marmont restroom. Instead, she gets a regular bathroom stall and also has the added bonus of talking about “vulvoginitis.”



You’ll be happy to know that this product is approved by Dorff’s a**.



If you haven’t seen the ad yet, here it is:



See more pop culture photos at my main website.

Marmont Monday: By the Numbers

A recent Architectural Digest article spilled the beans about my favorite hotel ever, the Chateau Marmont on Sunset Boulevard in West Hollywood. The first paragraph says it all:

Since it opened in 1929, the Chateau Marmont has been a beloved retreat of actors, writers, musicians, and directors craving a temporary (or sometimes not so temporary) home away from the prying eyes of the public and the press. As the Old Hollywood adage goes: “If you want to be seen, go to the Beverly Hills Hotel. If you don’t want to be seen, go to Chateau Marmont.”

The story mentions many of the hotel’s famous guests and the rooms that they stayed in. The article uses a number of stock photos that weren’t even shot at the Chateau; I will attempt to rectify that. You know already that I’m a visual kind of guy.



In discussing famed director Billy Wilder (“Sunset Boulevard” and “Some Like it Hot”), the description of his room sounds a lot like Room 16, which also happens to be the very first room I checked into during my first few stays there.

Rather than go to another hotel, he stayed in an antechamber beside the women’s restroom for several days until a room opened up.



If I have the room correct, what was then the women’s room near the lobby is now a men’s room…but it’s still located next to 16 (shown above, looking larger than it is, thanks to my wide angle lens). The women’s room moved to a hallway off the bar located next to the lobby (which was once a formal dining room). 16 can also count Barbra Streisand, Buddy Hackett, and Warren Beatty as former guests.

29 is where Myrna Loy lived for a number of years (once again, according to Vanity Fair). What a great balcony!



One of the most infamous rooms is 54 (below), for which the phrase, “If you must get into trouble, go to the Marmont” was coined. 



To keep two of his biggest male stars out of the tabloids, Columbia Pictures head Harry Cohn rented suite 54 for William Holden and Glenn Ford so that they could carry on with their affairs in private. According to Vanity Fair, David Niven ended up tagging onto their little deal with Cohn. I’m sure that kind of stuff doesn’t happen anymore.

Both Howard Hughes and director Lloyd Bacon stayed in the penthouse (room 64, below).



Director Lloyd Bacon’s weekly penthouse parties attracted a who’s who of Hollywood in the mid 1930s.…Howard Hughes rented the penthouse off and on for years and used binoculars to spy on women at the pool below.

Howard’s view from 64:



Vanity Fair “allegedly” stated that Greta Garbo stayed in 64, signing the guest register under her alias, Harriet Brown.

Montgomery Clift recuperated at the Chateau in 1956 after getting in a horrific car accident (below) leaving Elizabeth Taylor’s home. He stayed in a two-bedroom suite on the sixth floor during his residency.



To my knowledge, 64 is the only two-bedroom suite on the sixth floor. Add Clift to that fabulous roster of guests who have slept there.…unless you read Vanity Fair, which states that 36 is where Clift stayed after his accident, which says the star emerged…

onto the terrace from time to time to scream obscenities in the nude.

The terrace of 36. You be the judge.



Director Nicholas Ray rented a bungalow for eight years, beginning in 1952. While living there, he made “Rebel Without a Cause” and carried on an affair with one of the film’s stars, Natalie Wood.



Today, it is numbered as bungalow 1.



While actor Anthony Perkins lived at Chateau Marmont, he would use the payphone in the lobby to avoid the listening ears of the switchboard operators.

While the phone itself may have changed, one of these three doors is probably the one Perkins hid behind.





Based on this photo, you can also add Perkins to the guest roster for 54.



In 1955 he [Anthony Perkins] met Tab Hunter by the pool, and they quickly began a relationship.



The diminutive pool still seems magical, all these years later. Another instance where size just doesn’t matter.



Bette Davis frequently caused a stir at the Chateau. In 1958, her bungalow caught fire when she fell asleep with a lit cigarette.

Shown here is the courtyard to the poolside bungalows, most likely where Bette was staying.



The Doors frontman Jim Morrison lived in a poolside bungalow in 1970 and was known for swinging between windows and balconies, once falling two stories.

Although Morrison may have stayed in the bungalow, this shot was definitely taken inside the main hotel.



I am off by at least one floor from where Morrison posed; the fire escape stairwell behind him angles to the left; the one I shot (below) angles to the right.



Roman Polanski and Sharon Tate lived at Chateau Marmont as newlyweds. They gave up their apartment when Tate got pregnant.

I was told that the two stayed in room 54; however, in Polanski’s autobiography he states that they stayed on the fourth floor. This shot of Sharon shows her hanging over the balcony of 54. According to an article in Vanity Fair:

The McGraths hosted a brunch salon every Sunday, drawing the likes of Sharon Tate and Roman Polanski (who lived below, in 54, before moving to Cielo Drive in early 1969).



Since I’ve stayed in 54 and been on that balcony, too, I’ll side with Vanity Fair over Polanski’s memory.



Back to A.D.:

The hotel’s most famous resident may be John Belushi, who died of an overdose in bungalow three in 1982. Pictured here is the scene outside the hotel after his death. Several celebrities, including Jean-Michel Basquiat and Rick James, specifically requested to stay in bungalow three after Belushi died there.



Vanity Fair credits Errol Flynn with a drunken rampage in bungalow 3 back in 1959. There must have been something in the air. How it looked when I stayed there a few years ago:



Johnny Depp was a frequent visitor to the hotel and once claimed that he and his ex-girlfriend Kate Moss had sex in all 63 rooms.

Probably good that I don’t bring a black light when I stay there. Some things are best unknown.



Photographer Helmut Newton (above) was a regular guest. He and his wife, June, would arrive the week of Christmas and stay until March each year.

Newton stayed in room 49. Here’s how the desk/window looked last December:



In 2004, he died after having a heart attack and crashing his car outside the hotel.

The plaque outside the hotel that commemorates the spot where it happened.



Scarlett Johansson lived in the hotel in 2004 and was famously rumored to have had a dalliance with Benicio Del Toro in the elevator after the Oscars. In 2022, she set the record straight on a podcast, saying, “That was a story that followed me for a long time. But I always thought that was outrageous.”

That sounds like she neither confirmed/denied.



Stephen Dorff lived in the hotel in his 20s and returned to live in suite 69 while filming “Somewhere,” in which he played an actor living at the Chateau Marmont.

Room 59 was used for the film, as seen by this balcony shot of Dorff:



A shot of room 69, where Dorff resided during filming:



Vanity Fair names room 33 (below) as the one where Lindsay Lohan stayed in 2012. It’s also the one she was booted from for accumulating $46,350.04 in unpaid bills. Yikes. VF names 33 as the honeymoon suite for Jean Harlow and third husband, Harold Rosson.



The most famous guest of the Chateau refused to be interviewed for this post. He just wants to be left alone.



See more Chateau Marmont photos at my main website.

Mystery Solved: Somewhere in Room 59

A little while back, I was missing my favorite place on this earth: The Chateau Marmont. I popped in the Sofia Coppola flick “Somewhere” and for 98 minutes, I was able to slip back into the atmosphere of that hotel where most of the movie was shot. On my website, I have photo-documented every room I have stayed in, but there were two left from my early days before I recorded the actual room number. Stephen Dorff plays Johnny Marco, an international superstar who is having an existential crisis. For most of the movie he is wearing an arm cast because of an alcohol induced fall he suffered while stumbling down the stairs of the hotel. I noticed the bathroom tile in this scene and wondered...could this be one of the two rooms I had left to figure out?

From my December 2002 stay comes this photo, also showing the distinctively replace tile that you can see under Dorff’s arm. BINGO! Looks like I stayed in Room 59 BEFORE Stephen Dorff did!



The balcony, where Johnny Marco is often seen smoking:



...and where I visited with my friend Arlette who was living in West Hollywood at the time.



The kitchen where Elle Fanning, who plays Johnny Marco’s daughter, prepares Eggs Benedict:



and the same kitchen from my December 2002 stay. LOVE that cobalt blue tile!



The living room where Dorff and Fanning play guitar while Chris Pontius watches:



…and how it looked in December 2002:



A behind the scenes shot of Coppola talking to Pontius and Fanning between scenes:



I still have one room left; any other Chateau nutz out there recognize this bathroom? [UPDATE: It’s Room 14]



See more Chateau Marmont room photos at my main website.

Screen Gem Saturdays: Somewhere and The Chateau Marmont

Over New Year’s, I stayed at my favorite place in the world: The Chateau Marmont. It is both understated yet grand; evoking a palatial Chateau you’d expect to see in France, it is a hidden treasure right in the middle of Sunset Boulevard.



Once you enter the world of The Marmont, you are transported away from the cares of the real world and are transported to a favorite spot of writers, actors, and other artists who “get” what The Chateau stands for. Where else would you enter a hotel through the garage? Just one of the many things I like about this place.

Another fave thing of mine is this large living room adjacent to the lobby; sure, you could eat in the small formal restaurant or outside in the courtyard, but I prefer to eat here. It’s almost like a small party with guests here enjoying conversation, eating delicious food, all while sitting in the most comfortable and plush retro furniture. The piano in this area has been played impromptu by many a talented guest. In the past, I have also enjoyed being serenaded by Romulo, the singing waiter who has been a staple of the hotel for years.





And the rooms...I agree with Billy Wilder. I’d rather stay in a closet at The Chateau than a large suite at the swankiest hotel. Fortunately, my most recent room was much larger than a closet!





I LOVE the vintage details, appliances, and furnishings that have survived (or appropriately been replaced) over the years:







So you can probably imagine that I was pretty excited when I heard that Sofia Coppola was making a film that was set at the Chateau. Checking it out last weekend, I loved seeing my favorite hotel on the big screen, but was less than enthralled by the film itself.

Stephen Dorff plays Johnny Marco, a huge movie star without a lot of direction in his life. The first few minutes of the film show him driving a car around in circles just to drive the point home. He drives around...and around...and around...and around. OK, Sofia...I got the point the first few times. Here Johnny is seen contemplating his life on the balcony of Room 59, where he has been living for some time.



Near the pool, a ping-pong table is usually set up; Cleo and her dad play a little game.



Exiting The Chateau, Johnny heads towards Sunset Boulevard.



Bonding over dinner in The Chateau’s living room are Johnny and his daughter Cleo (Elle Fanning):



While his Cleo sleeps, he hammers out a tune on the piano:



Lounging by the pool, which seems like it is in the middle of a lush tropical jungle:



Cleo puts together some eggs benedict for her dad in Room 59’s kitchen:



I found myself enjoying the characters, despite the fact (or maybe because of) that there were too many extraneous details and plot points introduced along the way. Overall, the film didn’t seem cinematic; it was more like something you’d find on television. The type of effort that would have been better if done as a series. The ending was also unsatisfying; I would have to say that Sofia tries too hard to be arty and alternative without quite having the chops to back it up. Performances: A+. Story: C-. Still, it’s a nice time capsule of my favorite place in the world. Here’s the review from The New Yorker:

Looking at Stephen Dorff’s Johnny Marco, the movie-star hero of Sofia Coppola’s new film, we haven’t any idea what he wants or what anyone ever saw in him...In scenes of maddening duration, he sits on his bed or on a couch, smokes a cigarette, holds a bottle of beer, falls asleep when two identical blond pole-dancers entertain him, and falls asleep again while nuzzling the crotch of a girl he picks up at a party...The movie is funny in a dryly sardonic way about movie-colony rituals and easy sex, but the funk of a noodling movie star is hardly a revelation of the absurdity of the human condition—or whatever Coppola was getting at.

Another movie also filmed at The Chateau that is much more enjoyable is “Laurel Canyon.” Check that one out instead.

See more Chateau Marmont photos at my main website.