Friday, April 01, 2011

All About Bette: A Smokin’ Attraction!



Ready for the latest hush-hush gossip from Anaheim & Burbank? Got that leftover cinnamon bun out of its ziplock bag yet? Have that K-cup snapped into the brewer now? Did you stash those last few nuts and chews from the huge 50 pound box of candy your office got last week? Got your Krispy Kremes in hand yet? Unwrapped your Reeses Cup? Got your Capn’ Crunch poured into the bowl with your Vitamin D Milk? Have you showered yet today? Well then let's get going shall we?

You are probably wondering what the first image of today is all about...well, let me tell you. It’s all about Bette Davis. If you’ve ever heard of the phrase, “Money Talks!” then you’ll know how this new attraction at Disneyland came into being.

Disneyland wants more money. Marlboro cigarettes needs more smokers. Can you think of a better combo? I sure can't. In an effort to jazz up poor tired old Abe Lincoln, the creative types up in Burbank chose the perfect attraction to link up with eager new advertiser Marlboro. And just wait until you see what they came up with!



When the curtain parts, you see dear ol’ Bette, back from the other side. Sitting and smoking. So natural, you'd swear it was the bawdy gal herself. And just in case the cigarette didn't alert you to the sponsorship, there's a purdy neon sign flashing above Bette as she takes a drag on her cig.



When she gets up out of her chair, it will truly amaze you. And the smoke...it's so real that you'll think it's actual cigarette smoke—because it is! That's right readers...Marlboro refused to cough up the sponsorship dollars until Imagineers figured out a way to have Audio Animatronic® Bette spewing out real nicotine. Just breathe deep and enjoy.



And the dialogue...you'll be on the floor laughing at the amazing script Imagineers were able to put together by using vintage audio clips that were spliced together.



Whatever you do, DON'T delay in seeing this attraction. This is a temporary overlay that Disney & Marlboro are testing for audience reaction and it's ONE DAY ONLY. If you can't make it to the park on April 31, then you'll be S.O.L.!

Oh-kay - that should do it for today. Remember your support is vital, and your donations to PayPal help keep me fat and happy. I’m only here due to all of your kind efforts.

Keep in mind updates only get posted when there is something to complain about, and not before. It takes time to make up...oops, I mean confirm this stuff, and even then we can only offer a tantalizing glimpse.

See you April 31st!

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7 comments:

stu29573 said...

You know, they could have smellitzers on the back of the seats that pumped real tobacco smoke into everyone's faces throughout the whole show! Get Mom, Dad and the kids ALL hooked (or violently ill)!

Vintage Disneyland Tickets said...

I just collapsed on the floor in a laughing fit just from reading your fist paragraph - gonna compose myself then read the rest of the post - shall we?

OK, that's some funny s@#$, you hit the perfect tone. "Just breathe deep and enjoy" Indeed - Thanks AL!

Connie Moreno said...

LOL LOL!

Major Pepperidge said...

Ha ha! I'm with VDT, as soon as I saw that first paragraph, I knew we were in for some Al Lutz goodness.

Meanwhile I don't believe that Bette Davis really smoked. She got her deep gravelly voice from years of professional yodelling! It really does a number on your vocal cords.

TokyoMagic! said...

Yep, me too...I was laughing just from the very first paragraph! I like Stu's idea! They could even take the "sneezing dog" effect one step further and have Bette cough up "phlegm" onto everyone in the audience.

Excellent post, Dave!

Katella Gate said...

Absolutely too funny! I read this after the day had passed, so my guard was down. Superb parody of "Somebody Else" and excellent graphics. I was really looking at that attraction poster and scratching my head.

Mike, Studio city said...

I am a little late to the parade. I read this and thought WTF and then checked the date of the post. HAR HAR